Only Lycans Need Apply by Michele Bardsley
ORDER A COPY: Only Lycans Need Apply: A Broken Heart Novel (BROKEN HEART VAMPIRES)
Publisher: Signet Eclipse
Publishing Date: April 2, 2013
Paperback: 320 pages
Rating: 3 stars
When I found the ancient tomb of the two most powerful vampires in history, I knew I was in for a lot of trouble….
But archaeologists like me, Moira Jameson, are ready for trouble. Okay, maybe not human-species-threatening trouble. Or the kind of trouble that arrives in the form of a sexy werewolf named Drake. Yeah. Werewolf. And I thought ancient curses and walking corpses were a joke. Um…not so much.
’Cause a walking corpse named Karn wants to reveal vampires, and all of parakind, to the humans. And everyone else thinks that’s a bad idea. Then a pyramid mysteriously appears in Broken Heart, Oklahoma, and I’m appointed to get inside, survive booby traps, and awaken two very old, very hungry vampires. Luckily, Drake has my back (and my front). Unfortunately, archaeology sometimes reveals some very nasty surprises. And I’ll have to decide between saving myself…or saving the world.
In her newest Broken Heart Vampires novel, Michele Bardsley takes us to the dessert of the Suddan. When archeologist Moira Jameson returned to the Suddan to continue her grandfather’s search for the great pyramid, she hoped but never really believed that she would actually find it. She knew she wasn’t the only Egyptologist looking for it, but she never thought she would be competing with vampires and werewolves to get to the tomb first. Especially since vampires and werewolves are mythical creatures. They don’t really exist, then again after finding the pyramid and surviving an attack by Karn, Moira won’t remember they exist since her memory will be wiped.
One of the lycan triplets, Drake, has been assigned to watch over the good doctor once she returns stateside. Moira might have found the pyramid for them, but since it won’t unlock for seven days, they want to make sure that she is safe from further attack for Karn. Drake is fascinated by the lovely Moira with her thick skin and her soft heart.
When the pyramid reappears, they need Moira “the chosen” and her blood to open the vault and find the sleeping vampires, and Drake won’t allow her to go in alone. Together they will try to release the vampires and save the supernatural world.
This was my first chance at reading the Broken Heart Vampire series. In this story, she gives us the most interesting twosome in the form of academic Moira Jameson and her protégé, Dove. The Bickersons have nothing on these two and the constant barrage of snarky one-ups are hysterical. On the other hand, Drake is our hero, yet there isn’t much that makes him stand out in this story.
This was an ARC so there are sometimes typos and errors, but I was slightly confused and I think there was a problem with the names. Drake was one of triplets and he was there with his brother Darrius and he makes reference to his married brother, Drake. Huh? And then there is scene where Darrius is hand feeding Moira and it is electric. I think our author got confused while writing her draft and it took me a minute to catch it.
Although the characters were fun, this story was just okay at best. After some not very exciting attempts by the bad guys to grab Moira, we get to the pyramid for a rather boring Indiana Jones type adventure. And should I mention the “we have to have sex to unlock this next door” scene. Really?
I would like to check out one of the other stories in the series since I can’t imagine it could be so well liked and have such fun dialog and yet such bad story plots.
Received ARC from netgalley.com, courtesy of the publisher.
My gaze strayed (ha, strayed) to Drake. Unfortunately, he had left our tent and returned fully dressed, in jeans, T-shirt, and snakeskin boots. His long hair was tied back in a ponytail. His hair was longer than mine. I couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to him, magnetized almost. Was that a werewolf thing? Or was it because I had no dating life and it was finally catching up with me? Or had I finally flipped my lid and descended into a paranormal psychotic episode?
“Those are vampires,” said Dove, waiving her hand toward four undead ones. Then she pointed at Drake and Darrius. “And those are werewolves,” she added helpfully. My impulse to pinch her was delayed by the dazed look on her face. She was trying to process the situation, same as I was, and I wasn’t sure who was doing the better job. Neither of us, it seemed.
Dove leaned near my ear and said, “You’re not crazy. This is really happening.” She bumped my shoulder. “You might want to look less freaked out.”
“Hey, you’re just meeting us. The first time I met a vampire was after I woke up dead,” said Jessica. “Which isn’t as easy as you might think.”
“I wouldn’t think it was easy at all,” said Dove.
“Well, it’s not completely horrible,” said Jessica. “Just unnerving. Especially when the vampire’s naked and you’re face first between his thighs.” She flashed a grin at Patrick. “Well, anyway. You’re not dead. Bonus, right?”
Wait. What? Talking to a vampire was making me feel twitchy, so I assessed the people standing around the cot. Patrick and Lorcan were twins. So were Drake and Darrius. It was like having double paranormal vision. Okay. Yeah. I was crazy. Certified and everything. And even I didn’t believe this shit.
“The other intruders retreated after Drake killed the droch fola,” said Darrius.
Yeah, I remembered the part where the vampire was beheaded and then turned to ash.
What’s the difference between that asshole and you guys?” Dove asked the vampires. “Other than the part where you haven’t tried to kill us?”
Yet. They hadn’t tried to kill us yet.
“Droch fola are vampires who no longer have their humanity,” said Patrick in his Irish brogue. “Soulless, if you will.”
“Ah,” said Dove. “I don’t think that was in the book.”
Patrick lifted a black eyebrow.
“Don’t go there,” I advised him. I looked at Drake. And he was looking at me. Electric pulses zapped the pit of my stomach. I felt drawn to him, but though Darrius had the same appearance…no tummy wiggles occurred when I looked at him. They looked very much alike, too.
“What about the rest of my team?” I asked him. My voice turned hoarse halfway through the sentence, and I cleared my throat.
“We saw his penis,” said Dove. “She’s still in awe.”
Jessica burst out laughing.
Drake offered Dove a wicked grin. “And you are not?”
“Since I’ve only seen one werewolf penis, it’s difficult to say,” she said.
“Oh, my God! Can we keep her? Please?” Jessica slapped the werewolf brothers on the shoulders. “Contest!”
“Maybe later,” I said. As in, never. I didn’t think my brain could handle the image of two naked werewolves. Two naked twin werewolves. Wait. What was I thinking? “Never mind. Now’s good.”